Restless and bored...

I haven't felt bored in quite some time, but today I've had a terrible bout of both restlessness and boredom. I didn't find my usual activities interesting or engaging at all today. I felt like crawling out of my skin all day. Blech. I guess I should feel glad that I don't often feel this way. I've been wondering all day why I feel this way seemingly out of the blue. I think the restlessness and boredom are just symptoms to the underlying sadness that I feel today. Actually I think there's an undercurrent of sadness that I am usually able to manage and for whatever reason today it has decided to bubble up front and center into my consciousness.

How can you have what appears to others a good life, but find it completely unsatisfying and not where or how you envisioned your life to be at 43? Is the feeling because of unrealistic expectations for my personal life and goals? How do you tell if you're settling or if you're expectations are just too high? How can something that was at one time satisfactory now seem stifling? Was I settling before or are my expectations too high now?

Change doesn't usually happen overnight. This I know and am usually quite patient. But today I am filled with so much uncertainty and second guessing. I'm already looking forward to the day being over and starting anew tomorrow. Sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes things just are. And sometimes things don't work out the way we want. These are things that I need to consider today and hope that tomorrow is not a repeat of today.