The trouble with expectations...

The trouble with expectations is that they're so difficult to get right. Either our expectations are too low or too high. How often do we ever say, "that turned out just as I expected it to."? Quite often people err on the side of having too low of expectations. I think the reason for this is that they had high expectations about something and wound up being disappointed too many times. So they kinda give up hope and decide that they aren't going to have really any positive expectations at all anymore. They figure that if you have very low expectations, then if and when something doesn't work out they won't be disappointed. And if they do work out, they'll be pleasantly surprised! My sister falls in this category. More often than not, she has low expectations about both people and events. I think in her case it's a protective mechanism because she's been disappointed in the past with what she decided were too high of expectations. I think that we all probably do this on occasion. We may really want a certain outcome, but we're afraid to hope for it so we purposely keep our expectations really low to cushion the potential disappointment.

Then there are those that err on the side of having too high of expectations. How do we do that? Is it because we have unrealistic goals or ideals? Are we too emotionally invested in some outcomes? Or do we sometimes just wish and hope for some things too much? I'm not sure, but I think in my case anyway, I've been guilty of all of the above. Brad is a perfect example of having too high of expectations. He honestly thinks that in a year or two our company could be doing over $2 million in revenues. I smile and laugh each time he says it, and yet he really believes it! He thinks I'm raining on his parade when I explain that I think his goals are a little unrealistic. For one thing, we're not even to $500,000 a year in revenues yet. It seems to me that that would be a more realistic goal. And I've explained to him that I would like to be doing that much in business, but to do so we'd all have to be working at least 70 or 80 hours a week between developing clients and doing the projects just to get to $1million. So I think that his goals and expectations for the company are unrealistic especially considering the fact that he has no intention of working that much. And I know that Sarah and I don't want to work that much either. He can't comprehend that Sarah and I aren't doing this to create an environmental consulting empire. We would like to make a decent living, have some extra money, and have a relaxed, flexible work schedule. You can't have a relaxed work schedule if you want a corporate empire! Those two things don't go together...at least in the beginning! So Brad usually has unrealistically high expectations most of the time, but it's easy to see why in his case. He has nothing substantive to back up his expectations. The funny thing is that he complains later and says that things just don't seem to work out for him.

The thing is though, it's easy to see how he errs, but how do I get my own expectations in line? I don't like having routinely low of expectations like my sister does, but when I've had a few disappointments I feel the pendulum swinging in that direction. And like most people, I really hate being disappointed because of my expectations were too high. I'm not looking for perfection, but a bit more balance would be nice. Perhaps I need to step back more and try to look at things and people more objectively in the way I do when it's someone else like Brad with the expectations. And maybe a little internal dialogue which asks if I'm being realistic and why do I want a certain outcome? Also perhaps I should consider the consequences ahead of time realistically if I don't get a certain outcome.

I'm really not sure I'll ever get it right. Or if any of us ever really do. But I don't want to live like my sister does most of the time not having any expectations. And I don't like disappointing myself over and over because my expectations were too high. I've just got to try and find some middle ground.