Life and how we choose to see it...

Today I had to go with my mom to her bank so that she could add me to her checking account and safety deposit box account for survivorship rights in case something should happen to my parents. My mom is a planner extraordinaire which is fine, and is not the point of this story. However, by running this errand with my mom today, she unwittingly reminded me that much of life is how we choose to see it.

My mom arrived at my house on schedule to pick me up and it took about 15 minutes to get to the bank. She has a favorite banker that she likes to deal with, but when we got to the bank mom found out that her favorite is on vacation this week. Mom was visibly disappointed. There was another customer who got there just a few seconds ahead of us, so the woman at the front desk signed us all in and asked us to wait in the waiting area. After about two minutes the first customer was called in to meet with a banker. Mom still seemed disappointed that her banker lady was on vacation and so I asked if she thought that no one else there would be as helpful. This question earned me the 'evil eye' and no verbal response, so I immediately dropped it. A short time later, it was our turn. The banker, Stacy, was very polite, personable, and efficient. In hindsight, I think it's funny how Stacy almost instinctively knew to refer to my mom by her last name only. Stacy called me Renee, and I was fine with that. Anyhoo, it took about 10 minutes for Stacy to do the paperwork for the checking account and since my dad wasn't there to sign the signature card, Stacy sent it home with mom for dad to sign and provided mom with a pre-addressed postage paid envelope. Then to access the safety deposit boxes, you have to have your palm scanned. I thought it was kinda cool in a way. It only took a couple of minutes for Stacy to do it. Mom had a few things to put in her safety deposit box which we did, and stopped by Stacy's office on the way out. She was very gracious with mom and me, and thanked us both and shook my hand. Once again, she somehow knew not to shake mom's hand.

As soon as we got out to the car, mom breathed a big sigh of relief and said that the whole thing was a huge hassle. What?! She thought we had to wait too long. She was upset her banker lady wasn't there. She thought the paperwork to add me to the account was a major production. She complained about the amount of traffic on the road on the way home. She complained about shopping at one of the nearby malls, and indicated that it was terrible to get in line behind a Latina because invariably it was going to be a big production to check-out. (Note: I apologize to any Latina women who happen to read this. I didn't say it and believe me I don't share my mom's views, I'm only stating what she said) Then she complained about the terrible drivers on the road. And so on and so on.

It all started to click in my head once we left the bank and my mom said that it was a terrible hassle. All I could think was, huh? Hmmm, let's see here's how my trip went. The drive to the bank was uneventful. The traffic wasn't bad, and we were lucky with a few of the pesky lights on the way. Once we arrived at the bank, the greeter was friendly and polite, and indicated that we would only have to wait a few minutes. She was right. Mom and I couldn't have waited for more than five minutes and in my book, I thought that was pretty damn good. Once Stacy seated us, it only took her 10 minutes or so to do the paperwork and another five to do my palm scan. She was both personable and efficient. A good combination! From pick-up to drop-off, I was gone a little over an hour, and honestly I thought the whole thing was going to take longer since we went on a Friday morning which seems to me to be a busy bank day.

On and off all day, I've been thinking about how pervasive my mom's negativity is and I don't think that she even realizes it. Once we got in the car and she said that it was such a hassle, I told her that I didn't think it was bad at all. She either couldn't or wouldn't agree. Oh well. I think if the process was even faster than it was or if her banker lady was there, she would have found something to complain about.

My mom and I had the same experience today or did we? All the events happened the same way to both of us, but we had two different viewpoints for most of it. Today for me is a reminder that so much of life really is about how we choose to see and react to events. The bank visit was the same for both my mom and me, but we didn't experience it the same way at all. I think many of life's events are that way for all of us. It depends on us. On how we are. On how we see. On how we react. On how we feel. And our expectations play a part too. So much of life is subjective, and my mom really reminded me of that today.

I admit that her negativity was getting to me today, and in the past I probably would have disagreed with her at every turn thinking that I could change her mind. I've learned somewhere along the line that that's just the way she is. Negative. So I let it go. She just views life in a negative fashion, and probably always will. It's sad, but true.

How in the hell did she wind up with such a positive thinking daughter? Beats me. Maybe it's my version of rebellion or really it's just that I can't live her way and see life her way. It's so wearying.

So I may not have control over many things, but I do control my own attitude toward life. And I think that makes all the difference in the world.