Beginning a new year...

Today I'm beginning a new year. I've had a bit of a ritual over the last several years where I spend a good part of each October reflecting on my life; thinking about where I've been and where I want to go. And although this October was especially busy and harried, I still managed to find time to reflect.

This past year has been full of lots of changes for me...many of them internal. I've made a few mistakes over the last year, but I've tried not to be too hard on myself about those mistakes. I try to remember that I am a work in progress afterall....and that mistakes can be a learning gold mine. I'm learning to better let go of things that I can't control....but I still backslide now and then. I'm becoming calmer and more relaxed with each passing year....and that has made a big difference in my life. I've learned that being enlightened doesn't mean that you no longer become angry, hurt, or sad; but rather, I've learned that even the most enlightened individuals feel those things, but they've learned to skillfully handle those feelings.

I've come upon the age where my finite existence is no longer a nebulous and distant concept, but an inescapable reality. Time does seem to go faster and faster, and I realize I need to make the most of it.

Making the most of time for me means that I'm committed more than ever to simplifying my life. I'd like to spend part of the upcoming year divesting myself of some of the unnecessary and burdensome accoutrements that I've acquired along the way. I'd like to begin traveling again and start getting to some of those things on my life's to-do list. I need to pick a few things on that list and set goals to do those things. I also to need to make an effort this year to concentrate on and appreciate my interpersonal relationships. And I need to open up more.

I've spent the month reflecting on all the wonderful things in my life and not surprisingly the most wonderful things in my life are the relationships in my life. My sons continue to bring me great joy. At one time I was fearful that I would be so sad once they approached adulthood. I admit that there is a twinge of sadness because I know that they will be leaving soon, but I'm pleasantly surprised by my overriding joy for them. I'm so very glad for my friends and family, and it's been a bit odd to see a subtle shift in my relationship with my mom. I see that she is looking to me more for advice and such...and so I'm seeing a shift in our parent-child relationship which often happens once parents become senior citizens. Sarah's extreme difficulties delivering the twinklets earlier this year gave me quite a startle. It reminded me that we can lose the ones we love in just a blink of an eye. Since then I feel like I appreciate our friendship even more. Sarah's kids have been an unexpected joy for me, too. I love them as much as my own and it's funny how unconditional love can be so easy with kids. And animals too. This time last year, I never expected to have three dogs and two cats....but I'm learning that the unexpected is one of the very best things in life if you open yourself up to it. I can't imagine my life without all my pets...and now I wonder how I ever thought that one dog and one cat would be enough! And as for the unexpected....my favorite cousin has brought me such unexpected joy this year and I'm so glad that I've gotten to know her. I think what's made the difference in my cousin's case is that I haven't had any special expectations for our relationship and so as our relationship has unfolded nearly everything has been a deilightful surprise!

Last but not least, is being in business for myself. It's been a very difficult yet rewarding experience having my own business these last two years. This year was the turning point year and I think we're gonna make it. I'm truly glad that I'm not in this alone and that I have two wonderful partners in Sarah and Brad. For me owning my own business has been more than making a living. It's allowed me the opportunity to get to know myself so much better....and even if the business eventually folds, I know that I'm a better person for having taken the chance and challenged myself.

I'm very thankful for the wonderful life that I have and even more thankful for all of the wonderful people in my life who have brought me great joy. Now it's time for me to get started on my new year....