Busy, busy weekend...

Oy, what a difference this weekend was from last weekend! No boredom worries this weekend. It seems that I've been going non-stop since Friday. My sister drove up from Victoria with her Foster baby on Thursday night. Unfortunately there's no room at the Inn here, so she stays at our folk's place.

My sister took Erik to Austin for the day on Friday and she left Marvin (foster baby) with Mom all day. I went over to help Mom after I finished a report I was working on. I went over at around 1 pm to help out with the baby. I made sure to go over around lunchtime so that I could get Mom to make me some lunch which she did. Why do sandwiches taste so much better when someone else makes them?

Marvin is six months old and not much of a napper. He catnaps 30 minutes at a time, so there's lots of hands on stuff with him. I took over the baby duties for most of the afternoon to give Mom a break. My sister and Erik got home at about 5:30pm and Mom insisted I stay for dinner. I got home at around 7 pm and I was wiped out. Between the busy workweek and helping with the baby, I felt like I'd been knocked on my ass!

My sister and I spent the day together on Saturday mostly just visiting and running a couple of errands. She and Marvin drove home in the evening. On one of the Saturday errands, we picked up a couple of paint colors for Erik's consideration for his room. I figured we'd paint a couple of good sized squares and let him decide from those. You can't really ever tell just from those small paint chips, so I like to buy a quart and paint a good sized section so that you can really get an idea what the color is going to look like on a large scale. Well when I painted the two test areas yesterday, I figured that it would take Erik a week or so to decide and to want to even begin painting. Nope. Oh what a silly thought that was!

This morning as I was reading the paper Erik said to me....hey Mom can we paint my room today? Hmm, well I had planned on having an easy day, but Erik is rarely in the mood to do projects let alone help with them so I thought I'd better take advantage of the situation. I asked him to go to Home Depot to pick up the paint...and when he didn't balk at that I knew he really wanted to do the project. You see he doesn't like to drive anywhere or waste gas, so I knew that he was serious about this endeavor!

He chose the color for his room. Surprisingly he chose Terra Cotta Pot for his room. I was quite surprised. It's not exactly what you would call a masculine color. And truthfully, it's not something that I would have chosen. I tend to like muted greens, tans, sunbleached yellows, and plum colors. Orangey colors aren't generally on my radar. Well the project took all day. It's not a large room, but Erik had about a bazillion books to move and his room is jam packed full with furniture. Plus I like to paint the ceiling the same color when painting a small room. It actually makes it look a bit larger if you extend the color continuity to the ceiling. Anyhoo, what that all means in the end is that it took longer to paint the room! Start to finish it was an all day project. And the color looks much nicer than I would have thought. I still wouldn't have chosen it for myself, but then again it isn't my room!

I'm going to try and take it easy with what's left of the evening. We've got another busy workweek ahead, plus I told Sarah that I would babysit the kids on Wednesday. I'm already tired thinking about taking care of three kids on Wednesday and it isn't even Wednesday yet!

Woowee, did I ever forget how exhausting taking care of babies is! I was going to say that I don't know how Chad and Sarah or my sister do it...but that's not right...because I do remember that you just do it...it's hard work that gets easier as they get older. Then when they're 16 and 18 and you volunteer to babysit a friend's babies you think to yourself...I can't believe that I actually did this all those years ago!!

Next weekend I hope it's back to the usual, uneventful weekend. I think I'm gonna need the rest!

The Interconnectedness of Joy...

I think that we often don't realize how much we can affect others or how they affect us. This brings to mind the fictional example of George Bailey in the movie It's a Wonderful Life. It took a terrible business tragedy to give George the opportunity to see the far reaching effects he had on others. And not just his family and friends, but even acquaintances and strangers, too. By the end of the movie, he learned how interconnected our lives are and how it's possible for each of us to bring joy to others without ever realizing it or knowing it.

I bring this example up because I have a friend who is going through an experience with some parallels to George's story of the interconnectedness and unseen joys of life. My friend is a writer and she recently completed a story that she's been working on for quite some time. She has no special motivation for writing other than it brings her joy. I don't think that she has any big aspirations for fame and fortune, but like most of us, if fortune came about as a result of her writing she'd gladly accept it. However, she's much too private to even entertain the idea of fame unless I guess she could have private fame! While writing this story has brought her joy, she spent several months toiling and agonizing over it as well. I had both the honor and pleasure to read the story while it was in progress, and being involved in the creative process brought me great joy!

She recently released the story for public consumption, and I think that she's been terribly surprised and overwhelmed by the public's response. You see my friend is a very talented writer and her story is terrific. And it seems that the lucky readers who found her story feel the same way! She has received an overwhelming number of positive responses to her writing with the theme being how truly delightful her story is. Because she has gotten so many wonderful responses to her work, I think my friend is a bit stunned. Perhaps it's because the response has far exceeded her expectations. I think she had no idea that so many people would find such joy because of her writing. But joy is exactly what they found, and now these readers are only too happy to tell her about their joy and thank her.

And guess what? There's been a boomerang effect with all this joy. She wrote this story really mostly to please herself, but a wonderful side effect occured - it pleased many, many other people, too! So once she began receiving all these wonderful letters, she began experiencing joy in a whole new way. And I have had the priviledge of her sharing both her shock and excitement to the overwhelming response to her story. Seeing how excited and shocked she is by all this brings me such joy and happiness for her once again!

So I think that, like George Bailey, my writer friend unintentionally discovered the interconnectedness of life which in this case resulted in far reaching pleasure and joy! Her original intent was to bring joy to herself with the small hope that others would find some pleasure too. The result was more than she ever hoped for. Her writing brought joy to many, many readers including me, and in turn they returned her joy in a kind of ripple effect. And on top of all that, I can't even begin to tell you how happy it makes me to see her enjoying this wonderful time! So thank you, my friend, for sharing your joy with me!

Empty Brain Syndrome

I had a busy day today writing proposals and reports, and I think I used up all my brain energy on that. In fact, as I sit here composing this I can't seem to keep hold of a thought. So no pithy thoughts or otherwise to share today!! I used them all up earlier.

An unexpected storm popped up, and I'm finding the thunder and rain to be quite relaxing. So right now I'm looking forward to going to bed a bit early, and I hope that my brain recharges by morning!

Repairman Ruminations

My dryer crapped out this past weekend. I put a load of laundry in it and as I turned the switch it popped....and poof no dryer. I hate calling repair services. Plus repair service is an oxymoron. When do you ever get good and timely service when needing something repaired? I checked the yellow pages and found a company that encourages its customers to schedule appointments online. Yipee. That sounds great. No explaining my problem over and over to a disinterested operator.

I filled out the online service request form which even asks when you would like your appointment scheduled. Hey, this is sounding alright. I receive an e-mail reply to my service request on Monday morning which thanked me for using the online service and then directed me to call the service center to actually schedule my appointment. Doh! I call the service center which has one of those automated answering services which directs you to use their online service to schedule an appointment. What?! Doh again. I did finally speak to a service representative and politely informed them that their service directives are circular and ultimately unhelpful. Then I eventually received a repair appointment for today between the hours of 1 and 5.

Now that's my next gripe. How and why is it that certain industries get away this appointment between something and something else? And it's usually a rather large window, too. Plus I don't think I have ever had a repairman show up at the early end of the appointment window. I guess I should be glad that some progress has been made in the last few years since these companies used to tell you anytime between 8 and 5. Wow, what a sweet set-up that they've got going. They can get to your house whenever the hell they feel like it while making you waste a day in your schedule to wait for them. Then after all the waiting, they show up, spend 15 minutes, charge you $65.00, and still not have the damn appliance fixed. Nice. That's not exactly how I learned that professional services should be rendered.

It's amazing to me how many businesses do business this way, and it seems to be an accepted practice. How did that happen? Sure I can call another repair service, but they all do the same thing almost as if they're all in some sort of anti-service conspiracy. Yeah, I can just imagine if I were to try to run my business this way. Hmm, let's imagine a phone call with a client...."Oh yes Ms. Smith, I'd be happy to come to your office to discuss assisting you with your environmental project. Let's see I have an opening next Thursday. Oh that sounds good? Okay then Ms. Smith, I'll be at your office sometime between the hours of 1 and 5, but I have no idea exactly when. Okay Ms. Smith? No, I'm sorry, but I can't give you an exact appointment or narrow down the time. What's that Ms. Smith? I'm sorry, but I have other appointments that day too and I have no idea how long it will take me at any of them. So I'll just get to your office when I get there. That's the best I can do. What did you say? Did you just tell me to fuck-off, Ms. Smith? click. Helloooo. Hellooo. Ms. Smith are you there? Damn she hung up, I wonder why?!" There's no doubt that I'd be out of business if I conducted my business this way!

So let's review. If you need to call for electric, telephone, cable, or appliance repair service be prepared that your time isn't worth as much as their time and you'll have to pay for the priviledge of waiting. And sometimes after all that hassle, your appliance doesn't get fixed either! But that's another story!

Breakfast musings...

Good grief, I'm fixated on food lately! Last night at around 10:30 pm I started thinking and wishing for huevos rancheros. At least this is a food craving I can indulge in, unlike the fried chicken craving last week.

The trouble with craving huevos rancheros is that I couldn't just go downstairs and make myself some. Well I could, but they wouldn't taste the same as getting them at a restaurant. Believe me, I've tried and always wind up disappointed in the results.

Why is it that eggs seem to taste better out at restaurants? Is it the extra grease on the griddle that makes all the difference? I dunno. All I know is that I generally like breakfast foods like eggs whether they're fried or scrambled out at a restaurant better than at home.

So sometime this week, I'm gonna have to indulge my craving and go out for huevos rancheros with fried potatoes and fresh homemade tortillas. Until then though, I'll have to make do with a slice of toast slathered with peanut butter!

The merits of a meltdown...

I think I've decided that there are merits to having a good old fashioned emotional meltdown like the one I had yesterday. As terrible as I felt yesterday, I feel 1000% better today! And upon reflection, I think a proper emotional meltdown can be good and may even be necessary sometimes to help clear out all the crap that builds up internally. And boy, did I wallow in my misery yesterday and I think going with my pain actually helped in much the same way that a good cry helps wash away the hurt.

In a bit of serendipity this afternoon, I was watching a profile on a world class athlete from the late 80s who suffered a terrible tragedy that interrupted his career. During one race early in his comeback, he said that he hit an emotional wall and wanted to quit right there and then. He went on to describe the huge emotional meltdown that he went through during one point in the competition. He said that that emotional meltdown wound up being the turning point for him during the competition, and he went so far as to say it helped him clear all the crap in his mind that was holding him back. He essentially gave into all the negative feelings during this meltdown and in a sense was able to exorcise them from his system. Following his meltdown he decided to stay in the competition, and ultimately wound up winning. He credits the meltdown as being a necessary element during his comeback and the road to success.

So I think that next time I have an emotional meltdown like I did yesterday, I'm going to try and remember that it can be a good and necessary thing to help clear out the cobwebs. I think that in addition to the meltdown yesterday, I spent a good part of the day berating myself for feeling the way that I felt. Geez, I gotta work on these ridiculous standards that I've set for myself. And hopefully, I remember this little epiphany the next time!

Restless and bored...

I haven't felt bored in quite some time, but today I've had a terrible bout of both restlessness and boredom. I didn't find my usual activities interesting or engaging at all today. I felt like crawling out of my skin all day. Blech. I guess I should feel glad that I don't often feel this way. I've been wondering all day why I feel this way seemingly out of the blue. I think the restlessness and boredom are just symptoms to the underlying sadness that I feel today. Actually I think there's an undercurrent of sadness that I am usually able to manage and for whatever reason today it has decided to bubble up front and center into my consciousness.

How can you have what appears to others a good life, but find it completely unsatisfying and not where or how you envisioned your life to be at 43? Is the feeling because of unrealistic expectations for my personal life and goals? How do you tell if you're settling or if you're expectations are just too high? How can something that was at one time satisfactory now seem stifling? Was I settling before or are my expectations too high now?

Change doesn't usually happen overnight. This I know and am usually quite patient. But today I am filled with so much uncertainty and second guessing. I'm already looking forward to the day being over and starting anew tomorrow. Sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes things just are. And sometimes things don't work out the way we want. These are things that I need to consider today and hope that tomorrow is not a repeat of today.

Clothes shopping...blech!

I like to shop/browse in places like Lowes or Pier 1 or Pottery Barn or a Garden Nursery, but I really hate shopping for clothes. I mean I really hate it! And I when I do go shopping for clothes, I'm not going to browse. My clothes shopping is usually a hard target search. Get in, find it, try it on, buy it, and go!

Well, I've been needing some new shorts for a while now and now that my last two favorite pairs have either sprung a hole or a rip, I decided it was time. So my plan was to find something that I like, try it on, buy it, maybe grab a couple of shirts on sale, and go home. My hard target efforts were thwarted by whatever the hell has been going on with sizing and such in the women's fashion industry. I couldn't find one thing that fit right and for two reasons. For one, women's sizing for pants/shorts is now meaningless. There is no such thing as a standard size 6 or 8 or 10 or whatever for women. So why do they bother putting sizes on those damn things?? The other reason is that I think manufacturers are cutting their pants/shorts differently through the crotch and butt.

I read an article a month or so ago that talked about how the big name designers have started to do something called "ego sizing". What that means is that what would normally be say a size 6 when sizing was standardized could now be a size 2 or 4 depending on what big name designer it is. The article said that it's being used by these higher end designers as a marketing tool, so shoppers may be more inclined to buy from this over priced designer because you can wear a size 2! What craziness! And now I think that this ego sizing has totally screwed up all the sizing because now I think that some of the main stream brands are jacking with their sizing now, too!

I tried on a bazillion shorts today, and could not find one pair that fit decently and comfortably. After about the fifth pair, I gave up on trying to go by size and I just grabbed a variety of different sizes. When I would find a pair that seemed to fit alright in the hips and waist, they would be very uncomfortable in the crotch. Actually almost every pair I tried on today felt weird in the crotch.

I tried on several pairs of Levi's shorts after trying on a bunch of other brands to no avail. I really don't care what the size says since I think it's meaningless anyway, and in the past I noticed that Levis would run a little big. So I grabbed a pair of 6s. Nope too tight. Okay fine. I'm not offended or worried that I've been eating a bit too much chocolate since there have been plenty of times I've tried on anywhere from a size 4 to size 10 on the same day and they have all fit. So back to the rack to grab an 8. What the hell? They fit exactly like the 6s that I just tried. Okay maybe they're mismarked. So I go back and grab both another 6 and 8. Okay this time the 8s are tighter than the 6s, and the 6s on this round fit reasonably well, but what the hell is going on with the crotch? Nope. That won't do. Back to rack again. Now I have exhausted the supply of 6s and 8s, so okay I'll try a few different 10s. For crying out loud something's got to fit and look decent! Nope. The 10s are too big, all three that I tried despite being too big have something funky going on through the crotch and butt. I can tell that if the10s fit me right, I would be annoyed by the fit in the crotch.

After all this I started feeling pretty grouchy. I'm not usually so unsuccessful when I go on a hard target search. although I found a few shirts on sale. Thank the powers that be that shirt sizing seems fairly standard!

Driving home I started thinking that maybe I have been eating a bit too much cheese and chocolate lately. So when I got home, I dug out a couple pairs of Levis that I hadn't worn in a while just to see if it is me and that perhaps a little less chocolate consumption is in order. They all still fit fine. Plus my favorite shorts have been fitting the same as usual. No tightness. I don't know what's going on. Is my body shape off the norm or something or do most women just like to wear pants and shorts that are tight in the crotch? Oh well.

All I know though is that it would be nice if women's clothing manufacturers would standardize women's pants like they do men's. At least with men's pant size 32, the waist is 32 inches. Why can't or won't manufacturers standardize for women? I know it's not foolproof, but it's better than this crazy "ego sizing"! Plus I would love to buy shorts or pants over the internet, but with the way things are I would never even dare to do it. Even if it's a brand and size that fit me in the store, it seems that no two pair of pants for women are the same as my experience today shows.

So today wound up being an unsuccessful, frustrating shopping day. Blech. And this is why I hate clothes shopping so much!

Chocoholics Anonymous

Well, I've been trying to get my mind off that damn Popeye's fried chicken all day!! For the most part, I was pretty successful and when my mind tricked me into thinking I smelled fried chicken, I just made myself think of my beloved. Chocolate.

As I was eating a chocolate pudding and enjoying the creamy texture combined with the saisfying bite of the chocolate flavor, I got to thinking. I've loved and eaten chocolate my whole life, and I joke that I'm addicted to it. But can people really be addicted to this Food of the Gods...this wonderful ambrosia?!!

So I googled my question. Wow, lots of websites about the Chocolate Addiction. And there was one website that I visited run by some Mormons that said that chocolate is evil and you should keep it away from your kids. Evil? That's a might bit dramatic!! I think there's plenty of real evil out there to where we don't need to be adding something as trivial as chocolate to the list.

I found plenty of websites both medical and non-medical that discuss chocolate, its component constituents, potential benefits or detriments, and whether the addiction is psychological or physiological. Here's a news flash! One of the detriments of chocolate discussed was that if you're an addict and are dieting and give in to your cravings and eat too much of it, it will sabotage your weight loss efforts. No, Really? The same could be said of Twinkies! I hope that one wasn't a government funded study!

There were also several personal pages where people talked about their terrible addiction to chocolate and how it adversely affected their lives. What?! This is chocolate that we're talking about. And can you really be addicted to chocolate? Oh wait, I do have a flash back to my early 20s and it was late at night and I was having a really bad craving. I frantically looked in all the cupboards and drawers for a candy bar or toll house morsels or even a hershey's kiss. Doh nothing! I checked the freezer for chocolate ice cream. Damn there was none. I really had to have something chocolatey, and it was almost midnight too late to go out. Then I saw it. A can of Nestle Quik powder. But I was jonesing bad for some strong chocolate and chocolate milk was not going to cut it. I grabbed a spoon and took a heaping scoop and put in my mouth and swirled it around to make a nice chocolatey paste. Ahhh. One more scoop and I was satisfied. Ahhhh. I took a swig of milk, brushed my teeth and went back to bed to fall instantly asleep...and satisfied. Nah...that's not addiction that's just crazy and I only did that that one time. Really! No really, uh huh!

My intent is not to trivialize anyone's struggle or pain even if it's with chocolate. I do admit that reading that some people have a real problem with it in much the same way that someone would have with alcohol or drugs did surprise me. But upon further reflection, I guess this is another illustration of human nature and relativity. One person's ambrosia is apparently another person's poison.

I do eat chocolate every day, but not much. As long as I get a taste, that's really all I need. Mid-afternoon everyday, I eat one small piece of chocolate like a hershey's kiss or dove heart or ghiradelli square. And I'm satisified. I know when to stop and I'm not overweight. I just really like the sensory experience of chocolate. So until there's a Surgeon General's warning pasted on the side of my chocolate bar, I will continue eating it to my heart's content! And even then, I'm not sure I'd stop! But that's not addiction...nope...nu uh.

Hey...well at least this got my mind off that damn fried chicken for a while!

Food Cravings...

Normally food cravings are no big deal for me. I usually crave something chocolate or something fruity, which is no big deal. I usually have something chocolate everyday even if it's only a Hershey's Kiss. But for the last couple of days I've been craving something that is a downright no-no for a vegetarian. I can almost smell and taste Popeye's spicy fried chicken and mashed potatoes with meat gravy in my mind. And it's driving me a little crazy!

My transition to vegetarianism was relatively easy and uneventful. My period was affected the first two months, but no complaints in that department since the result was a light and abbreviated cycle! I realized I just needed to increase my protein consumption. Before I became a vegetarian, I considered myself meat-lite. I mostly ate grilled chicken or deli meats about three times a week. On occasion I would have fried chicken, but not that often. I do miss chicken enchiladas, salami, and hot dogs very much though. Cheese enchiladas with my favorite verde sauce have been an acceptable substitute though and most restaurants are accomodating since most cheese enchiladas don't come with the verde sauce. I found some really good veggie hot dogs that have a good texture and taste. No luck on simulated salami though!

Since fried chicken has never been on my must have food list, this craving has me a bit thrown. I can't get it out of my head either. Perhaps it's just something fatty that I crave or maybe something fried. I may have to get some batter fried veggies later at the store to try if this craving doesn't leave me be!!

Oh why oh why couldn't this craving be for a donught or something?! Well, I guess I'll try and shift my focus and see this in a positive light. My resolve and committment to this path are simply being tested. And this craving will go away...and soon I hope. Maybe I'll try and distract myself with something else. Oh well...such is life!

One concept....two interpretations

My post from yesterday stirred up some more memories from my last six months in Corporate America. Specifically I was thinking how an idea or concept that will have a particular interpretation for one person can have a whole other meaning for someone else. Sure we all see this to some degree everyday, but I had an experience that was for me both profound, ironic, and even humorous which I learned from and will never forget.

The environmental consulting company that I worked for had nine field offices scattered throughout the Southeast and Texas with the corporate office located in Houston. I managed the San Antonio office. By the time I took over the San Antonio office in 1999, the company had already experienced some set-backs specifically to the Houston and Dallas offices which were the largest offices with the highest revenues. My office as well as two or three other of the smaller field offices were very profitable, but our offices were small in comparison to the two flagship offices. Consequently, the company went deeply into the red despite the efforts of the smaller offices such as mine. There were inexperienced people at the top of the company with no practical experience in dealing with corporations in crisis, and so their actions wound up being nonsensical and desperate. As the company continued to bleed, it became more and more stressful to be a field office manager. Although most of us were profitable, it was never enough to pull the company out of its steep dive.

In the last six or eight months I was with the company I would commiserate with a couple of trusted fellow managers about corporate's desperate actions to turn things around. And believe me, the things that they wanted the managers to do were often just plain ridiculous and would have saved a penny upfront only to cost a dime in the longrun. If I felt strongly about a particular action item, I would fight it and with a ready argument as to why their plan would not work in my office. As each month passed it seemed that my battles increased. There was a point after diligently keeping abreast of our company's financials as well as digesting the news that we would be paying subcontractors in 90 days or more rather than in 30 days as was the norm that it became clear that the company was in extreme circumstances and all of our jobs were in danger.

From the day that I took over the San Antonio office, I felt responsible for my staff and their job welfare. I had a wonderful staff who all managed to give me 110%, and I made sure to let them know that I appreciated each and every one of them. In turn, they appreciated me in a way that made all the crap that I had to endure with corporate worth it. As bad as the end became, I will never forget their loyalty and affection.

Over these several months of corporate hell, I had called several staff meetings and I did something that according to upper management I should not have done. I kept my staff informed of everything going on with corporate. I also told my staff repeatedly our office was a ship and I was the captain and they were my crew and as such I was responsible for their safe passage and welfare. So I told them that I was concerned for the welfare of the company, and that I feared that the company as a whole was damaged beyond repair and that the recent actions of top management illustrated their desperation. I told them it may come about that the company would force me to conduct layoffs. I told them that I would fight that to the best of my ability, but there may come a time when I may not have a choice. But I would give as much advance notice as possible so that they could start looking for another job. So as their captain worried for their welfare, I encouraged them to look for a way off what I believed was an irreparable sinking ship.

Only one staff member took me up on my advice at that time, and the rest said that they would stay as long as I stayed. I had twice a month staff meetings or more depending on the circumstances and I kept everyone abreast of the changing situation. In fact for a time, it looked like things were going to turn around, so all of our spirits were buoyed for a short time. But I think the leak to the corporate ship was too much and so the pressure on the field offices returned and was ratcheted up. When a large contract was lost and my new supervisor announced he was coming to visit my office, I knew it was coming. He had been pushing me to conduct layoffs and I kept saying no. Of course I had to back-up my no's with hard numbers, and I did. But I found out the hard way that my new supervisor didn't like to be told no, no matter how stupid his orders were.

He arrived the next Monday after my last defiant conversation. We had a long meeting and I was told to layoff most of my staff. I had a eight people on staff at that time, and I think his plan was that Sarah and I would run a skeleton office. He offered to let my people go and he seemed very excited to to do it. I've met a few others in my career like him, people who actually enjoy firing people. They are by far some of the scariest people I have ever met in my life. Not because they are mean or physically scary, but because they have the outward appearance of being nice, but are chillingly cold inside. I declined his offer and called Sarah in to tell her that this was it and what I thought his plan was. She and I sat for a bit with tears in our eyes. She and I had both worked for the company for a long time. So as I informed each member, it was no surprise. I apologized and thanked each one.

The process left such a sour taste in my mouth and I admit after the second day I was feeling angry and a bit more defiant than usual. My boss asked me a couple of questions and I refused to answer one. In retrospect, my defiance appeared to be disloyalty to my boss and it sealed my fate!!

The next day at the end of the day he came into my office one last time. And from the expression on his face, I knew what was coming. I was next to be gone. I felt strangely calm and relieved. My misery would soon be over. And then he said something that nearly made me burst out laughing, but I couldn't keep the smile off my face. I think by smiling at his metaphor, I stole his thunder! He began by telling me that I was captain of the ship and as such I was responsible for steering a proper course which I hadn't done. I couldn't believe it! Damn right I'm captain of the ship, but how can I steer something when my own commanders sabbotage my ship? When they take away the wheel and my sails? How can I steer something when they punch huge holes in my hull and expect me to go on? What a complete moron! I honestly didn't hear much after this because I was almost laughing! The funny thing is that I did steer my ship. My ship was sound, my office was profitable! It was the fleet that was doomed and so by association my ship was doomed. I didn't play their game their way, and there was no arguing with desperate men! We both used the same metaphor, but we had two completely different interpretations of the same circumstances. To this day, I still think it's funny.

And how did this drama end? My boss went to my First Mate, Sarah, and told her that she would now be a one woman office and the company expected that she would have to put in unpaid overtime to hold things together! Naturally she thought that this was crazy, and what did she do? She called me to come in that night and help her pack up her office. She even asked me to write her resignation letter! So she packed her things and left her letter where he would see it the next morning. She decided that if people were going to be laid-off without notice, she didn't need to give notice to quit.

Brad was there the next morning while packing his office, and he witnessed my boss' stunned expression upon finding Sarah's letter. When he asked Brad why Sarah would be disloyal to the company...Brad just shook his head and told him...You just don't get it, do you?

My office was destroyed that week never to be resurrected. The company folded a year and a half later.

Unfortunately, too many people don't get it, but continue merrily on their way. I don't regret any of my actions during the last several months of my tenure. And I don't regret any of my defiant actions toward corporate management either. I still feel to this day that my first responsibility was the welfare of my office and being professional services my office was thereby my staff. I will always believe that we should all be treated with respect, compassion, and kindness. My company forgot that, and in the end I believe disregarding this Truth resulted in their ultimate destruction.

Yep, I'm the captain of my ship...

The Evolution of Life...

I was watching a gardening program on HGTV the other morning, and this particular show had a segment that profiled three women who formerly worked in the corporate world, but who gave it all up in mid-life to become professional gardeners. All three women had very successful careers in the corporate world, but each felt that something was missing in their lives after so many years. They didn't find corporate life and the associated daily grind satisfying anymore. One woman mentioned sitting in endless unproductive corporate meetings daydreaming about working in her garden on the weekend. She said that thinking about her garden and gardening during her work week helped her cope with her growing dissatisfaction with corporate life until she eventually realized that she could no longer continue on with her corporate job. She did a lot of soul searching and reprioritizing and gave it all up. All three are glad of their decisions, but also grateful for the time and skills that they learned in their corporate lives. They just recognized that for each of them that it was time to move on. What was at one time exciting and satisfying had become boring and burdensome. I found their stories so fascinating because I could relate to everything that they were saying!

I remember deciding to become a geologist because I thought it would be a good way to combine my interest in science with my love of the great outdoors. I also remember back to my senior year in college at age 24 in a field class sitting on a mountain ridge in New Mexico mapping the geology of this particular area. It was a beautiful spring day in New Mexico. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the color was an electric blue...so deep and rich. It was so quiet and peaceful, and a short distance away a small herd of mule deer wandered by. There was a moment while sitting there that I thought it would be so awesome having a place and a view like this every day for my office. Oh how naive and romantic I was at 24!! Sure once I became a geologist I had the opportunity to work outside, but not as I had envisioned!! Like most geologists, my fieldwork didn't include the vistas like those of my field mapping days, but were more practical locales such as a gas station or bulk fuel terminal or manufacturing company. I had to adjust my romantic notions standing on a gas station property behind a mobile drill rig looking at bubba driller's butt crack while collecting subsurface soil and water samples to determine if the gas station's tanks had leaked. Yep, not quite what I envisioned, but I made the best of it! I learned that I had to enjoy the vistas driving from one end of Tennessee to the other or whatever State I happened to be working in, and not at the job site!

I also found later that the better the geologist that you are, the more likely that you'll be in the office preparing maps and reports. Luckily at that time, I found that I truly enjoyed report writing and I had always enjoyed preparing maps. And like many professions, if you're really good at what you do you get placed in the management track where you'll do less and less of what you started out to do in the first place.

So when that woman on the gardening show talked of sitting in endless, unproductive meetings, I could relate. I remember back four years ago sitting in on one unproductive conference call after another only to find my own mind drifting to thinking about the weekend and my own garden...and thinking about what home projects I was going to do next. I realized like those other women that I was coming to the end of the natural evolution of my own corporate career. And one year later, my own corporate experience came to an end. It was time and I was more than ready to move on.

I took several months off and did absolutely nothing except work around the house and the yard while spending time with my sons. It was just what I needed, and then the opportunity to go into business for myself came about. It's been two years this month that I went into business with Sarah and Brad. No more conference calls or stupid meetings. I get the same amount of work done in less time since I don't have the corporate inefficiencies to deal with. I have no boss and am free to make all decisions on my own without a committee. Since I work from home, I can be at my desk early and still in my jammies, if I choose. My work hours are flexbile, and I can be watering my garden while talking to a subcontractor or client on the phone. If I want to do some pro bono environmental work for the local women's shelter or humane society, I can with no questions asked and no permission from corporate needed. I'm really enjoying my new business life as scary and challenging as it is some days!

So like the women on the show, I'm grateful for the skills and lessons that I learned during my time in Corporate America. I also freely admit that I was ambitious and found it exciting for a time. I think it was an invaluable and necessary time for me. I learned a lot about myself and my expectations. The lessons that I learned resulted in a lot of good personal growth. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that corporations per se are bad. There are plenty of good ones, but the corporate life is not for everyone. And for me, I think that I simply outgrew the corporate life like those women gardeners. Now they apply their corporate skills to their gardening much in the same way that I apply the skills that I learned to my own business. In the end, I'm grateful for my time in the corporate world because if not for that, I would not have the necessary skills to have started my own business. And one day I may outgrow my business and be ready once again to move into a new phase of my business life. Who knows, one day I may just give it all up to have an ice cream cart at the beach!!

Yeeha...it's raining!

Normally I don't cheer when it rains. Sure I enjoy a rainy day now and then, but I don't crave the rain like a certain Seattle-ite!! But it's been six weeks without rain here with temperatures hovering near 100 each day without a cloud in the sky.The mud cracks are huge and the grass is becoming crunchy! And the aquifer levels are dropping rapidly. We really need rain!

I've been begging and pleading with this certain someone to put her rain mojo to good use and send some rain this way. She told me she'd see what she could do. Well it took a little while, which is understandable of course. The rain vibes had to travel from Seattle all the way to San Antonio. Plus she's probably never had to use her rain mojo for such a far away place! Well my friend, the rain goddess, did it!! One nice heavy, but short rain shower has come through and the skies are darkening once again with thunder sounding in the distance. Yeeha...more rain on the way!

After going so long without any rain, I can see why my friend loves it so much. Although I'm sure that if it rains for too many days, I'll be back to craving my sunny days. But until then, I'm glad for the rain and thankful to my rain goddess for sending rain my way!

Practice makes perfect...or something...

Well after thinking and talking about expectations yesterday, I have the opportunity to put my thoughts into practice today. We had a meeting today with a very good client, who has given us some work, but we've been marketing them for much more. The meeting went very well, and he gave us at least two projects in the next 60 days which will total about $20k in revenues. We can't retire on that, but it's certainly nothing to sneeze at either! Those two projects fit right in to our expectations with this particular client.

Once that was out of the way, he wanted to discuss a really big potential project. It seems that the client's company is looking into acquiring 14 facilities in Austin, but it's in the very preliminary stages right now. If they do proceed with the acquisition, they're going to have to do all the environmental due diligence on each facility and that's where we come in. We generally discussed each location and formulated a general scope of work for each one with him today at his office. I asked if he'd like us to put together the cost proposals for the work now, but he asked us to wait until they have a better idea if the acquisition is going to happen or not. If the acquisition is a go, then we'll probably have less than 60 days to complete the environmental investigations at all 14 locations. This means that we'll be working bunches of hours, but the revenues for our still very young company will be huge for 60 days worth of work! The revenues from this project could range from $100k to 150K depending on certain variables with half of that most likely being subcontractor costs. Nevertheless, it is a huge potential project for us, and we're thrilled that this client has the confidence in us.

So all three of us are trying to remain cautiously optimistic. We had a similar situation pop up last year and the deal fell through. But when the potential project popped up last year, our hopes and expectations were soaring only to be dashed at the last minute. Now that we're owners and not employees, it's funny how winning and losing projects has taken on a whole new meaning. Of course you know this rationally before starting a business that winning and losing projects will take on a whole new urgency, but the rational thought does not prepare you for the actual event as well as all the emotions that go with it. So we feel that last year's disappointment was a lesson learned.

We're excited about this potential project, but we have to make sure that we don't count on it mentally like we did for last year's lost project. We must continue marketing other clients as usual, and not let our expectations get carried away. I can't let my expectations get away from me on this one. Yep, this will be good expectations practice indeed.

The trouble with expectations...

The trouble with expectations is that they're so difficult to get right. Either our expectations are too low or too high. How often do we ever say, "that turned out just as I expected it to."? Quite often people err on the side of having too low of expectations. I think the reason for this is that they had high expectations about something and wound up being disappointed too many times. So they kinda give up hope and decide that they aren't going to have really any positive expectations at all anymore. They figure that if you have very low expectations, then if and when something doesn't work out they won't be disappointed. And if they do work out, they'll be pleasantly surprised! My sister falls in this category. More often than not, she has low expectations about both people and events. I think in her case it's a protective mechanism because she's been disappointed in the past with what she decided were too high of expectations. I think that we all probably do this on occasion. We may really want a certain outcome, but we're afraid to hope for it so we purposely keep our expectations really low to cushion the potential disappointment.

Then there are those that err on the side of having too high of expectations. How do we do that? Is it because we have unrealistic goals or ideals? Are we too emotionally invested in some outcomes? Or do we sometimes just wish and hope for some things too much? I'm not sure, but I think in my case anyway, I've been guilty of all of the above. Brad is a perfect example of having too high of expectations. He honestly thinks that in a year or two our company could be doing over $2 million in revenues. I smile and laugh each time he says it, and yet he really believes it! He thinks I'm raining on his parade when I explain that I think his goals are a little unrealistic. For one thing, we're not even to $500,000 a year in revenues yet. It seems to me that that would be a more realistic goal. And I've explained to him that I would like to be doing that much in business, but to do so we'd all have to be working at least 70 or 80 hours a week between developing clients and doing the projects just to get to $1million. So I think that his goals and expectations for the company are unrealistic especially considering the fact that he has no intention of working that much. And I know that Sarah and I don't want to work that much either. He can't comprehend that Sarah and I aren't doing this to create an environmental consulting empire. We would like to make a decent living, have some extra money, and have a relaxed, flexible work schedule. You can't have a relaxed work schedule if you want a corporate empire! Those two things don't go together...at least in the beginning! So Brad usually has unrealistically high expectations most of the time, but it's easy to see why in his case. He has nothing substantive to back up his expectations. The funny thing is that he complains later and says that things just don't seem to work out for him.

The thing is though, it's easy to see how he errs, but how do I get my own expectations in line? I don't like having routinely low of expectations like my sister does, but when I've had a few disappointments I feel the pendulum swinging in that direction. And like most people, I really hate being disappointed because of my expectations were too high. I'm not looking for perfection, but a bit more balance would be nice. Perhaps I need to step back more and try to look at things and people more objectively in the way I do when it's someone else like Brad with the expectations. And maybe a little internal dialogue which asks if I'm being realistic and why do I want a certain outcome? Also perhaps I should consider the consequences ahead of time realistically if I don't get a certain outcome.

I'm really not sure I'll ever get it right. Or if any of us ever really do. But I don't want to live like my sister does most of the time not having any expectations. And I don't like disappointing myself over and over because my expectations were too high. I've just got to try and find some middle ground.

One of those days...

I had one of 'those days' today and I'm glad the day is almost over. I'm looking forward to a new day tomorrow. Brad brought his son to work today, and Sarah and I haven't seen Tanner in at least three years. Tanner is now 12 years old. Unfortunately there were a couple of incidents with Tanner and one of my three dogs this morning. I wasn't in the room when Brad and Tanner arrived this morning and my protective australian shepard who doesn't especially like Brad had an adverse reaction to Tanner this morning. Brad then made it worse by forcing Tanner into the situation rather than removing the dog. I was upstairs unaware while this first incident was occuring. As I came down the stairs with my aussie by my side, Brad was scowling at me. I greeted Tanner and immediately found out why I was being scowled at. My aussie began barking and became aggressive toward Tanner who was already scared and freaked from the first incident. I quickly grabbed my dog and put her in a room out of the situation and apologized to both father and son. I also tried to soothe Tanner as much as I could. Sarah and I both could see that Tanner was very scared and is apparently fairly scared of dogs to begin with. I found out from Sarah a short time later that Brad didn't help things by forcing Tanner into the house while my aussie was still agitated and loose. And Sarah couldn't step into the situation because she brought Ripley this morning and happened to be holding her during the first incident.

My aussie really is a big baby, but she is very protective around strangers and I think like most dogs she senses fear and reacts strongly to it. It also doesn't help that Brad ordinarly thinks her protective aggressiveness is funny when it's directed toward him and he usually antagonizes her a bit to egg her on. I usually have to tell him to knock it off and to not encourage that behavior. I have two other dogs who are both the most docile, non-aggressive dogs who aren't protective or leery of strangers at all. Tanner managed to play ball with my border collie for awhile, and Sarah and I both thought that he had calmed down. Tanner was still scared though because a short time later in the house as the border collie came around a corner, Tanner freaked and kicked the dog in the head. The dog is so sweet that he just looked around wondering what the heck happened?! My third dog who eventually came downstairs with my younger son, Nickolas, also must have freaked out Tanner. Tanner was scared which at this point was understandable since his dad ignored his upset and instead seemed extremely angry at me. The third dog who licks and is lovey and gentle with Sarah's 17 month old started to look agitated to me. The hair on his back started to stand on end. I saw danger immediately and asked Nickolas to take him out. Then I put the border collie out for his own protection.

In the meantime, Brad ignored Tanner's distress and instead seemed to be spoiling to get into a fight with me. I didn't bite though. My oldest son, Erik, happened to get into what started as a pleasant bantering conversation with Brad which quickly devolved, much to my son's surprise, almost into a verbal fight. As soon as Brad started getting really pissy and nasty, I stepped in to diffuse that one. My 18 yr old son looked very shocked by the strange turn of events to say the least.

The whole morning Brad just seemed to be looking to get into a fight. He wasn't interested in my apology about my dog this morning, and he seemed terribly insensitive to Tanner. I've noticed though that he seems to be in a foul mood lately and is ready to get into shouting matches. He doesn't get anywhere with that with Sarah or me because she and I both tend to avoid any kind of major conflict. She even more than me. Plus when someone tries to provoke me the way he was obviously trying to provoke me, it makes me less likely to get into a fight with him. There was no way I was going to give him the fight that he wanted today!

I'm trying very hard to give him the benefit of the doubt in this case. I think or maybe hope that he was embarrassed or upset with himself with the way he handled the whole dog thing as well as his son's fear of dogs, and it came out in his behavior this morning. However, if he starts in on me tomorrow or even tries to blame me for my dog's behavior, all bets are off. I gave him the benefit of the doubt today. So I'm already mentally preparing myself for some verbal sparring tomorrow. But I will not tolerate him blaming me and my dog on his unskillful actions today. Especially the man who knows full well how leery of strangers and protective she is, and who thinks it's a game to antagonize her. So I'm ready for him tomorrow. I just hope that he will get Tanner into a class to learn to cope with his fear of dogs and how to handle himself. I'm afraid that we witnessed a self-fulfilling prophecy today. I bet Tanner will be glad to be going to Karate tomorrow. He probably thinks it's safer!

Am I suffering from getting older syndrome?

I had lunch out today with Sarah and Brad and it was dispppointing in some ways, but not because of the company. The waiter made the experience rather disappointing and exasperating. The guy was dumber than dirt with no common sense and bad manners to boot! I am certainly not a genius by any stretch of the imagination and I don't think I'm an intelligence snob either. The guy was just plain dumb and he didn't listen or pay attention or something, and I think that contributed to my low opinion of him. What really scares me though is that quite often a good portion of the waitstaff are college students. So if he's a college student, then I'm gonna be right there with the other hordes who complain about our educational system in this country. If my waiter is representative of what our educational system produces, we're doomed!

Let me clarify that when I say dumb, I mean uneducated dumb. No that's not right either because I've known plenty of really smart and bright people who weren't college educated. Maybe I just mean incompetent when I say dumb.

And it isn't just my waiter. I've been noticing too many people out there who seem to lack some basic skills and seem just plain dumb. And it's scary to me. I'm not sure though if I just notice it more in the younger generation or if the younger generation is dumber overall than my generation. I can tell you right now that my waiter today wouldn't have been able to make change if he had to!

So is there something to my observations or am I suffering from gettting older syndrome? You know, we've all heard older folks and most especially senior citizens complain about how everything was better in their day! Life was better, prices were cheaper, folks were smarter, folks had better manners, and just everything was better. Am I beginning to suffer from this dreaded syndrome already? But I'm only 43...that can't be. Plus I don't think everything was better when I was younger. Yep, prices were cheaper. But we have lots of cool technology and other things now. I like life today. I'm not nostalgic for the past. But I do think people should be getting smarter and not dumber. I watch old 1940s movies and see that people had a much better command of the language. People could speak coherently too when interviewed if you watch those newsreels from the 1960s. So what's going on? I see too many people nowadays who seem dumb. They have a limited grasp of language and barely any math skills. And forget about current events! Is it our educational system or is it too much MTV or is it some combination? I vote for the combination problem.

It just seems that being kinda dumb is becoming the norm and that scares me. Well let me tell you, in my day being competent and fairly well educated were the norm. Me thinks it's time to raise our standards!!!!

Woowee time to pack my bags!

What a welcome relief, and it's in writing! No more 100 degree days on end with no rain. I should be living in Hawaii. All this time I've been living in the wrong place! Yeehaw. Time to pack and go!

Actually since Austin is the Number 2 pick, I guess this quiz was fairly accurate considering I live about 70 miles away. But apparently, I should be living in Hawaii!!!

American Cities That Best Fit You:

70% Honolulu

65% Austin

65% Denver

65% Seattle

60% Atlanta

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

I couldn't help myself...

Ding Dang it! I saw this somewhere...hmmm, and I couldn't help myself again. I think I'm gonna need an intervention soon!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Naps are a wonderful thing!

I worked in the yard this morning and early afternoon for about three hours. Phew it was hot, but once I broke into a good sweat and got into a good rhythm, it wasn't bad. Call me crazy. I weeded the back flower bed, mowed the yard, and weeded and yanked out all the cosmos from the front flower bed. Moved the potted tomatoes which are really starting to crank out the tomatoes. And watered all the flowering plants. I guzzled down about a quart of gatorade in the process.

After my shower, I zoomed up to Target to pick up a few things and by the time I got home at a little after 3 pm you'd think I had run a marathon. Working in the yard in the heat got to me, so I decided to lay down to rest my eyes for a few minutes.

Once I closed my eyes, I felt myself drift into that pleasant twilight state in between wakefulness and sleep and then boom. I passed out. Ah it was so nice! There's just something so wonderful about a nice nap. I slept for a little over an hour and woke up refreshed. I can't remember the last time I had a nap, but I miss them. I used to nap all the time. I guess my life has gotten too busy for naps, and it seems to have happened without me realizing it. Maybe it's time to reevaluate a few things and put a nap in the schedule here and there. Or just work outside in the heat enough so I won't have a choice but to nap.

Another fun quiz...

Doh! I think I caught quiz fever from Tamara!

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

25% Yankee

15% Upper Midwestern

5% Dixie

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Thoughts and Prayers

My thoughts and prayers go out today to the lost and injured souls caught in the terrorist bombings in London yesterday. The attack was an act of both cruelty and cowardice. I can't comprehend the thought processes of these monsters that think nothing of taking innocent lives in the name of their cause. It makes no sense. That kind of anger, hate, and violence makes no sense at all. And they do it all in the name of their religion and their God. Oh how they've strayed off the path of truth.

I hope that our President doesn't use this terrible attack as an excuse to ratchet up the Patriot Act. While we all fear and loathe the loss of life at the hands of the terrorists, we all fear and loathe the potential loss of our freedom and civil rights as well. A loss of our hard won freedoms and rights will surely result in a slow death to our souls. And the terrorists will have won. So let's hope that cooler heads prevail during this crisis.

I end this post with a sorrowful heart and send all my kind and loving thoughts for the victims and their family and friends.

Heat & Stupidity

I went for my hike/run as usual today. I rolled into the parking lot a bit before five o'clock and the temperature in the shade in the parking lot was 103 degrees. The hottest day so far this year for hiking. Well actually I think it was just the hottest day this year...period. I usually run quite a bit every time too, but I can tell you that today there was hardly any running going on and I wasn't exactly Speedy Gonzalez in the hiking department either! And today I even shortened my hike a bit because of the heat. I carry a small cooler in my car, and I usually bring along two bottles of water once the temperature gets over 80 degrees. I carry one bottle during my hike, and the other is for after I finish my hike. And today I packed along a nice juicy nectarine for afterwards too.

I crossed paths with at least 8 other hikers today and none of them were carrying any water with them at all. None. Nada. Zilch. In fact, not one person that I saw in the park today was carrying water. Hello...it was 103 out there today!! I sucked my water down pretty quickly as well as the one waiting in the car. How can a person walk those trails in this heat for an hour or more without water? It's sheer stupidity!

Okay, I may be a certifiable lunatic to hike in this heat, but at least I'm not stupid. I carry water and I modified my hiking exertion to fit the heat. Well I say I modified, but really the heat did it for me. I don't think I could have walked any faster today or run anymore than the little bit that I did. And I got thirsty pretty quickly up the first big hill. That's just 10 minutes into the hike!.

So you can call me crazy anytime, but rest assured I'm not an idiot!

Customer Service and Government Agencies

Hmmm, most people including me probably have low expectations when it comes to thinking of government agencies providing customer service. And a bit of fear probably comes to mind when thinking of having to straighten out a problem relating to a government agency.

Last week while checking online for some information on the Texas Board of Professional Geoscientists website, I happened to click on the online roster for Licensed Professional Geologists. And what did I see that threw me into a mild panic attack? Well it's really about what I didn't see that threw me into a mild panic attack....my name or my license number. I didn't see either hence the panic. I renewed my license online last year and received a confirmation and what have you. This being a government agency though, all I could imagine was that my renewal was lost somehow and the Board was going to say that I have been practicing without a license these last several months and that there was going to be hell to pay! Yep, government agency snafu and worst case scenario just seem to go together in my brain!! I imagined all kinds of irritating and frustrating conversations in my future to get this little snafu worked out.

I immediately wrote a letter explaining what I discovered, attached all my documentation, and requested respectfully that the Board check into the matter as soon as possible. And I faxed the letter instead of mailing it. I decided that I would give them a week to respond in some way and I imagined that their response was somehow going to conclude that the licensing error was my fault. It's funny how a normally optimistic person such as myself can turn into the biggest pessimist on earth when dealing with a government entity!

A miracle happened! The next morning, less than 24 hours later, the Director of Licensing called and left me a message telling me that she received my letter and that she would investigate the matter right away and get back to me. And to top it off, her voice sounded both friendly and helpful. I was very pleased with this message, but I kept my hopefulness in check. I still feared a painful resolution to my inquiry. And although she said that she was going to investigate it right away...well what does right away mean in government time anyway? I always figured that in government time, right away means whenever they damn well feel like getting to it!! Still I felt some of my usual optimism creep into my mind. I kept it reined in though to lessen any potential future disappointment.

And then another miracle happened the same day while I was out on my late afternoon hike! The Director called a second time at the end of the work day to tell me what the problem was and that she fixed it. And she apologized to me. There was no problem with my license at all. She explained that for some reason my name and license number wasn't posted to the roster. The roster is important though because other state agencies and the general public can check it to verify your credentials. She was very professional, friendly, and apologetic. I was so pleasantly surprised by the outcome. Who woulda thunk it?! I called her back and left her a message thanking her for being so quick and helpful. And I followed up online with a customer survey and letter.

That's what I get for pre-judging, but I'm not complaining! So this got me to thinking. If we don't receive good customer service or there is some other type of problem, most of us including me have no problem whatsoever lodging a complaint. But what if a business or a government entity provides really good service? How often do we let them know that we appreciate the good service? Now I'm not talking about thanking someone for what they are expected and should do in the first place. I'm referring to those that go above and beyond the call of duty. I think that the Director calling me the day after I sent my letter and twice in one day to keep me informed of the progress of her investigation went above and beyond. I only expected to receive an impersonal letter one or two weeks after sending my initial inquiry. And I expected a poor outcome to boot.

I know that when I go above and beyond what's expected in my own work that I appreciate it when my client lets me know that he appreciated my extra effort. It makes me more likely to go out of my way for that client the next time.

So I'm going to try and be mindful from now on especially if it's a government agency providing the exceptional customer service! I will not only let the person responsible for the extra special service know, but I think I need to start letting their bosses know either personally or by correspondence. Who knows what might happen if we all start to do this? The tide may slowly change and the general quality of customer service which has diminished over the years may actually start to improve for the better. It sure couldn't hurt to compliment someone when warranted...at the very least you may make someone's day...and in my mind that's worth the effort right there!

Swirling...

A new day. I feel very good and energized today. But it's a different kind of energy. My mind is swirling and dancing. That's the only way that I can think to describe it. Last night I finished two of the many books I'm reading. I had strange, but nice dreams the last few nights. And I feel peaceful yet energized while listening to my new Hildegard von Bingen CD. The singing is soulful and comforting. I've got lots of thoughts racing through my head, but nothing definite. They're swirling about me and in me. There's good work going on in the ol' noggin...or that's how it feels anyway. No single thought stays for long during this swirling, but it feels nice. I feel on the verge of something...but I don't know what. I'm not expecting or hoping for any miracles or any huge epiphanies. The something may be no more than one more small piece of the puzzle falling into place. And even if it's nothing more than this feeling...well that's okay too.

No matter. I'm not going to try to reach for whatever it is. I'm going to try and remain in this relaxed state, and enjoy my swirling thoughts and the odd sense of peacefulness attached to them. Cheers for my busy mind and its swirling thoughts. Oh what a wonderful day!

There Is No Either Or...

Whenever I start to feel myself backsliding or losing my way, I realize it's because I keep trying to make life and what's in it an either/or. It's either good or bad. It's either happy or sad. It's either beautiful or ugly. Or the other statement that bogs me down is the if/then statement. If I do this, then I'll get that. If I do this well, then all in life will be well. These two statements trip me up until I fall flat on my ass wondering what happened? Well, either/or and if/then happened.

Life isn't an either/or. Life is wonderful and life is crappy. It's not either, but both. It's wonderful and crappy and often at the same time. If I do something right, it doesn't mean then I'll get only the good. You get it all. No extra charge. There is no either/or just a great big AND.

Quite often you get the whole wonderful sloppy mess in the same day and some times each and everyday! How many times have you had a day start out great only to have it veer off into crapville? Or vice versa? Friday wasn't a good day...It was both good and bad...it was a wonderful sloppy mess!

I can't pick and choose what I get. I get what I get. Yes, there's a certain amount of reaping what you sow, but there is also an interconnectedness to life too. I have no idea how Joe Bob's error in judgement or his bad day will affect me. I don't even know Joe Bob, but his choices may somehow affect my little corner of the universe. Just like what I do may affect someone else too! And it can be as simple as a smile or a kind word or a cross word. There's a ripple effect to our words and actions which we must all keep in mind. It's part of that wonderful sloppy mess!

So you get what you get...The Good, the Bad and The Ugly! Life ain't Burger King...you don't get it your way! You don't want the pickles....sorry you'll have to pick them off yourself!

So that's life...it's all one big wonderful sloppy mess! It's both wonderful and crappy. I get it all whether I want it or not! It's all about what I do with that sloppy mess and how I react to the sloppy mess. That's where my choices lie...in my actions and reactions. Some days I'm gonna be happy. Some days I'll be sad. But I can't be happy or sad all the time forever. I can't choose just one. I get them all...happy and sad and everything in between! Why do we get it all...well I think it's simply because you can't have one without the other!

A weekend for reflecting...

I don't mind the heat and I never have, but I think I've hit my own limit this weekend!! The temperatures have been at or above 100 degrees for the last several days, and I must say I've had enough! I like most people who live here learn to adapt quickly, which means you take advantage of the mornings and the evenings for outdoor activities and hibernate during the inbetween hours inside with the air conditioning. It's sort of like winter in some ways if that makes sense.

So instead of griping about something that I can't control like the weather...I'm trying to make the best of it. The operative word being trying! Some griping still creeps in!! Human nature I suppose. Anyway, I've been spending my hiberating time reading and reflecting. I'm reading a few books at the same time right now and one book that I just got yesterday has pushed my introspective thinking into overdrive. The book is called "Awakening at Midlife" and it has had me flipping pages like a maniac. So I've had to put the book down a few times so that I don't race through it too quickly and miss some good things. That's when I pick up something else to read, but while reading these other things I can feel my mind simmering on some of the ideas.

At a minimum, I'm feeling much better about the feelings that I've been experiencing the last few years. And I think I've subconsciously been beating myself up for my malaise and confusion. I think I'm just now starting to realize that this difficult time is perhaps something to embrace in some respects. It's a period of lots of potential growth for me...that is if I let it be. I think I've still been conflicted about letting go of some things, but I see lots of choices in my near future. I see that some pain will be unavoidable and I have to stop thinking that I can somehow come out of this process painlessly. Even if I choose not to do anything, I can see that I will have to come to terms with lost opportunities.

So I do a lot of internal talking about understanding the nature of letting go...letting go of my attachments...and fear in itself is an attachment...and I think I need to let that go as much as I can anyway. Letting go, I know, doesn't mean giving up but it is a surrendering of sorts...an acknowledgment that I can't control things no matter how much I struggle and in fact the struggle against the current of life makes it that much more difficult. Swim with the current. Tack with the wind. Funny...over the last few years I have felt myself loosen and let go of many things....but I still feel there's still lots left to let go of and surrender. And it may take the rest of my life.

So I'm going to keep reading and thinking. I have many choices up ahead...and I'll have to make one and I must remember that I can't avoid making a choice in the near future because in essense not making a choice is also a choice. And I want to be proactive. I don't want to start the second phase of my life by default. I must be an active and self-aware participant. All the answers are within me...I just need to seek the quiet and listen to that inner voice. Me.

Some More Fun...a Personality Quiz

I pinched this one from Tamara's blog! Interesting quiz....

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Romantic Extraversion |||||||||||||| 56% Stability |||||||||||||||| 66% Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 70% Altruism |||||||||||| 50% Interdependence |||||||||||||||| 70% Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 70% Mystical |||||| 30% Artistic |||||| 23% Religious || 10% Hedonism |||| 16% Materialism |||||| 30% Narcissism |||||||||||| 43% Adventurousness |||||||||||| 43% Work ethic |||||||||||| 50% Self absorbed |||||||||||||| 56% Conflict seeking |||| 16% Need to dominate |||||||||||| 50% |||||||||||| 50% Avoidant |||||| 30% Anti-authority |||||| 30% Wealth |||| 16% Dependency |||||| 23% Change averse |||||||||||| 43% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 63% Individuality |||||||||| 36% Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 63% Peter pan complex |||||| 30% Physical security |||||||||||||||||| 76% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||||||| 84% Histrionic |||||| 23% Paranoia |||||||||| 36% Vanity |||||| 30% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||| 56% Female cliche |||||||||| 36%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
clean, organized, regular, self reliant, tough, positive, high self control, very good at saving money, dislikes chaos, resolute, realist, trusting, hard working, dislikes unpredictability, prefers a technical specialized career, not worrying, respects authority, enjoys leadership, finisher, normal, optimistic, controlling, prudent, modest, adventurous, does not like to be alone, intellectual, likes the unknown, very practical, high self esteem, assertive, perfectionist, busy, altruistic

The Amazing Powers of Ice Cream!

I got such a tickle out of the comments to my ice cream quiz post! What is it about ice cream that instantly brings a smile to everyone's face? I took that silly quiz last night and it instantly put me in better spirits...I thought for sure I would be a chocolate ice cream, but I have no idea what the criteria for that is though. You probably have to be willing to try the horseflesh flavor! No thanks. So after taking the quiz, I had a bowl of chocolate ice cream and I was in a good mood for the rest of the night!

With a bazillion flavors available could there be anyone on the planet that doesn't like ice cream? Plus what other thing on earth is an almost guaranteed, sure-fire way to turn around a bad mood? You can start eating an ice cream cone in a bad mood, but I bet once you're chomping into the cone you're smiling and thinking the day isn't so bad afterall!

Ice cream is one of the greatest food inventions ever! It really is. For me it's right up there with bread, cheese, and chocolate. Add ice cream to the list, and it sounds like a perfect diet if you add some fruits and veggies in the mix too, of course.

I left this comment on E's blog, but I'm gonna say it again here. Maybe world leaders and negotiators should be required to have an ice cream cone together before sitting down at the negotiating table. Hey the way things are in the Middle East, it couldn't hurt to make those folks have some ice cream before talking to each other.

Another hike in the 100 degree heat for me today. But I'm already looking forward to ice cream afterward. And the heat is just gonna make the ice cream all that much better!

So what's your favorite flavor?

A Positive End To The Week...

I feel that I've been complaining about things too much lately. If I begin to complain too much, I don't like the way it makes me feel. Somehow the complaining begins to change my whole outlook as well as my attitude and mood. And I don't like to feel negatively for very long if I can help it. So I think an attitude adjustment is in order for me, and a step in the right direction will be to end the week on a positive note.

I did some complaining earlier this week about some negative changes on the horizon regarding my favorite park. Yesterday afternoon while hiking, I decided that I should think about the many positive things regarding the park and the positive attributes that will remain even after the neighboring and abutting properties are developed. The first thing that popped into my head was that the Friedrich Foundation was successful last year in preventing one of the abutting properties into being developed into a huge hotel and golf resort. That was a victory. Last year San Antonians voted for a parks initiative and referendum in which the city and county will begin making a concerted effort to increase the number of parks and nature trails available to citizens. Citizens in general have become more vocal in favor of maintaining and/or increasing our tree canopy and increasing the available natural areas for public enjoyment over the last few years. And the State is getting ready to open up the new Government Canyon Park which is almost 9,000 acres in size and is also located along the edge of the Hill Country. Plus Government Canyon Park is closer to my house, and is located only 10 minutes from me. I should be able to find some solitude in 9,000 acres! And in Friedrich Park there are really only three open scenic views, and with the new tougher tree ordinance in place hopefully the property being developed to the south won't appear to be a sea of houses from one of the park views. People who build and move into this part of town do so because they love the hills and trees, so hopefully the developers keep this in mind when building those houses. And there is no view of the soon to be developed property to the northeast. Lastly the interior views and beauty of the park should remain, and there may even be more wildlife to see in the park as the abutting properties are developed. The park may become a refuge for the displaced wildlife. I don't like to see wildlife displaced like this, but having somewhere to go like Friedrich is an acceptable compromise. But I fear for the wildlife nonetheless.

So while the rural nature surrounding the park may be no more and the winding country road that I drive will be changed into a busy four-lane road, hopefully the charm and character inside the park will remain the same. So instead of seeing the park being swallowed up by destructive development, maybe I should view it as a natural oasis in the desert of commercial development. Hmm, that may be a bit over the top, but somehow this makes me feel a bit better anyway!

I let myself get a bit out of balance this and last week, and I can feel it. Too much complaining, and complaining in and of itself at some point doesn't really serve a useful purpose. And I think I got to that point. I don't advocate putting your head in the sand to avoid serious issues, but if you get caught up in the negativity after awhile that's all you see...and eventually feel. Balance is the key. So on that note...I'm looking forward to a nice weekend and a good week next week.

One of the many beautiful trails in Friedrich Park...